The mighty Tykes...
http://www.clubfanzine.com/ipswich_town/showNews.php?id=9388
Tuesday, 11 March 2008
Thursday, 28 February 2008
Latest TWTD article - Southampton
Click on the link for my latest article for Ipswich Town fanzine website TWTD.
http://www.clubfanzine.com/ipswich_town/showNews.php?id=9124
You just write a few jokes about God and then there's an earthquake.......
http://www.clubfanzine.com/ipswich_town/showNews.php?id=9124
You just write a few jokes about God and then there's an earthquake.......
Wednesday, 20 February 2008
Blind Fate
Below is the beginning of a short story I have written for my creative writing class. We were set the task of introducing a very small nervous man to a woman who could barely speak any English. The setting was a blind date.......
Blind Fate
This was definitely going to be the last time that Valerie used the agency. She had forgiven them for the date they had arranged with Harvey, 36 with a foot fetish. He had been arrested on their first date by six armed police officers at Colchester Zoo after his children had found their mum in the garage freezer and her toes in the boot of the family Mondeo.
Then there had been Salad Cream Steve, Valerie’s stomach still turned at the memories.
Tonight they had promised her tall, dark and handsome but the man stood at the far end of the bar was just small, bald and lonesome. At only 3 foot 5 inches tall, and wearing a red jumper and yellow trousers Valerie hadn’t got her promise of Rupert Everett, the agency had sent her Rupert the Bear.
“He- he- hello, I’m Dennis” said the little bear-man holding out a sweaty paw he had just wiped on his trousers.
“Good evening” Valerie replied and took a seat on the stool he offered her at the bar.
Dennis struggled for a few moments to climb back onto his stool before being helped up by a passing glass collector. Their awkward silence was broken by music being put on the jukebox and Dennis took the opportunity to pour Valerie some red wine.
“Yo- yo- you, you like music?” Dennis ventured before swallowing hard.
“Yes. Music I like” Valerie replied, regretting that her English was still very limited.
It had been six months since Valerie had moved to England and despite her slow progress she was keen to learn the language. She imagined a relationship to be the perfect opportunity for some free tutoring and perhaps a bit of fun on the side.
For Dennis, whilst he was bewitched by Valerie’s beautiful bronze skin, deep brown eyes and very, very long legs, her presence reminded him of an unfortunate incident he had tried long and hard to forget.
Although a huge admirer of the culture and sophistication of the French the closest Dennis had ever got to their country was when a group of disobedient sixth formers had stuffed him into a suitcase on their day trip to Calais. Fortunately, Customs officers uncovered a squashed, breathless but otherwise unharmed Dennis at Dover and returned him safely home. He left his teaching position a week later.
Now perched opposite the breathtaking Valerie, Dennis decided the best history he could draw on was the French O level he had obtained during his own schooling.
“I- I- I like music too.” He started.
"J’aime les garcons de la plage”
Valerie’s eyebrows reached for the sky.
“You like small boys on ze beach?”
“Oh oh no, no, I like the Beach Boys” Dennis replied.
“I was trying to translate”.
A barman, who had been listening, turned his laughter into a cough and busied himself by wiping an already spotless section of the bar with a beer towel.
(to be continued)
Blind Fate
This was definitely going to be the last time that Valerie used the agency. She had forgiven them for the date they had arranged with Harvey, 36 with a foot fetish. He had been arrested on their first date by six armed police officers at Colchester Zoo after his children had found their mum in the garage freezer and her toes in the boot of the family Mondeo.
Then there had been Salad Cream Steve, Valerie’s stomach still turned at the memories.
Tonight they had promised her tall, dark and handsome but the man stood at the far end of the bar was just small, bald and lonesome. At only 3 foot 5 inches tall, and wearing a red jumper and yellow trousers Valerie hadn’t got her promise of Rupert Everett, the agency had sent her Rupert the Bear.
“He- he- hello, I’m Dennis” said the little bear-man holding out a sweaty paw he had just wiped on his trousers.
“Good evening” Valerie replied and took a seat on the stool he offered her at the bar.
Dennis struggled for a few moments to climb back onto his stool before being helped up by a passing glass collector. Their awkward silence was broken by music being put on the jukebox and Dennis took the opportunity to pour Valerie some red wine.
“Yo- yo- you, you like music?” Dennis ventured before swallowing hard.
“Yes. Music I like” Valerie replied, regretting that her English was still very limited.
It had been six months since Valerie had moved to England and despite her slow progress she was keen to learn the language. She imagined a relationship to be the perfect opportunity for some free tutoring and perhaps a bit of fun on the side.
For Dennis, whilst he was bewitched by Valerie’s beautiful bronze skin, deep brown eyes and very, very long legs, her presence reminded him of an unfortunate incident he had tried long and hard to forget.
Although a huge admirer of the culture and sophistication of the French the closest Dennis had ever got to their country was when a group of disobedient sixth formers had stuffed him into a suitcase on their day trip to Calais. Fortunately, Customs officers uncovered a squashed, breathless but otherwise unharmed Dennis at Dover and returned him safely home. He left his teaching position a week later.
Now perched opposite the breathtaking Valerie, Dennis decided the best history he could draw on was the French O level he had obtained during his own schooling.
“I- I- I like music too.” He started.
"J’aime les garcons de la plage”
Valerie’s eyebrows reached for the sky.
“You like small boys on ze beach?”
“Oh oh no, no, I like the Beach Boys” Dennis replied.
“I was trying to translate”.
A barman, who had been listening, turned his laughter into a cough and busied himself by wiping an already spotless section of the bar with a beer towel.
(to be continued)
Monday, 11 February 2008
Glad All Over
The latest TWTD article goes down well with the Crystal Palace fans.
http://www.clubfanzine.com/ipswich_town/showNews.php?id=8618
Everyone loves a fairy tale.......
http://www.cpfc.org/forums/showthread.php?s=8566c65ef4d8d65b03769fb54d8b93aa&threadid=165710
and.......
http://www.holmesdale.net/page.php?id=106&tid=75609
http://www.clubfanzine.com/ipswich_town/showNews.php?id=8618
Everyone loves a fairy tale.......
http://www.cpfc.org/forums/showthread.php?s=8566c65ef4d8d65b03769fb54d8b93aa&threadid=165710
and.......
http://www.holmesdale.net/page.php?id=106&tid=75609
Friday, 1 February 2008
Latest TWTD article
Here's my latest piece for Ipswich Town fanzine Those Were The Days.
http://www.clubfanzine.com/ipswich_town/showNews.php?id=8265
http://www.clubfanzine.com/ipswich_town/showNews.php?id=8265
Wednesday, 23 January 2008
1973 - a very good year for babies
When I was born in 1973 the number 1 in the UK charts was 'Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree'. If you haven't heard it.....don't.
The poem below is made up of the titles of other number 1's in 1973.
1973: The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia
If you want me to stay
Here I am (come and take me)
Behind closed doors
Let’s get it on
Wildflower
Give me love
Get down
Stir it up
Keep on truckin’
Long train running
Yes we can can
Funny Face
Shambala!
Jambalaya!
Natural high
Superfly
Drift Away
The morning after
Me and Mrs Jones
Pillow talk
"Could it be I’m falling in love?"
That lady
Loves me like a rock
Right place, wrong time
So very hard to go
Neither one of us (wants to be the first to say goodbye)
"Do it again?"
The Artists.
The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia – Vicki Lawrence
If you want me to stay – Sly and The Family Stone
Here I am (come and take me) – Al Green
Behind closed doors – Charlie Rich
Let’s get it on – Marvin Gaye
Wildflower - Skylark
Give me love – George Harrison
Get down – Gilbert O’Sullivan
Stir it up – Johnny Nash
Keep on truckin’ – Eddie Kendricks
Long train running – Doobie Brothers
Yes we can can – Pointer Sisters
Funny Face – Donna Fargo
Shambala! – Three Dog Night
Jambalaya! – Blue Ridge Rangers
Natural high – Bloodstone
Superfly – Curtis Mayfield
Drift Away – Dobie Gray
Space Oddity – David Bowie
Playground in my mind – Clint Holmes
The morning after – Maureen McGovern
Me and Mrs Jones – Billy Paul
Pillow talk - Slyvia
Could it be I’m falling in love? - Spinners
That lady – Isley Bros.
Loves me like a rock – Paul Simon
Right place, wrong time –Dr John
So very hard to go – Tower of Power
Neither one of us (wants to be the first to say goodbye) – Gladys Knight & The Pips
Do it again? – Steely Dan
The poem below is made up of the titles of other number 1's in 1973.
1973: The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia
If you want me to stay
Here I am (come and take me)
Behind closed doors
Let’s get it on
Wildflower
Give me love
Get down
Stir it up
Keep on truckin’
Long train running
Yes we can can
Funny Face
Shambala!
Jambalaya!
Natural high
Superfly
Drift Away
The morning after
Me and Mrs Jones
Pillow talk
"Could it be I’m falling in love?"
That lady
Loves me like a rock
Right place, wrong time
So very hard to go
Neither one of us (wants to be the first to say goodbye)
"Do it again?"
The Artists.
The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia – Vicki Lawrence
If you want me to stay – Sly and The Family Stone
Here I am (come and take me) – Al Green
Behind closed doors – Charlie Rich
Let’s get it on – Marvin Gaye
Wildflower - Skylark
Give me love – George Harrison
Get down – Gilbert O’Sullivan
Stir it up – Johnny Nash
Keep on truckin’ – Eddie Kendricks
Long train running – Doobie Brothers
Yes we can can – Pointer Sisters
Funny Face – Donna Fargo
Shambala! – Three Dog Night
Jambalaya! – Blue Ridge Rangers
Natural high – Bloodstone
Superfly – Curtis Mayfield
Drift Away – Dobie Gray
Space Oddity – David Bowie
Playground in my mind – Clint Holmes
The morning after – Maureen McGovern
Me and Mrs Jones – Billy Paul
Pillow talk - Slyvia
Could it be I’m falling in love? - Spinners
That lady – Isley Bros.
Loves me like a rock – Paul Simon
Right place, wrong time –Dr John
So very hard to go – Tower of Power
Neither one of us (wants to be the first to say goodbye) – Gladys Knight & The Pips
Do it again? – Steely Dan
Saturday, 19 January 2008
Head Over Heels
She was late, but that didn’t matter, it wasn’t planned.
Over the top of the boxes, under my chin, she gave me
a half smile, pushing her hair behind small delicate ears.
The curb caught my feet, the pavement my fall. I sucked
my cut lip, saw my thumb displaced off at a right-angle.
In soft focus, she leant over, mopping my bloodied head
with a scented cloth, before disappearing into the crowd.
My femme fatale and Florence Nightingale. So beautiful.
He was there again, maybe late, probably lying in wait.
Desperate awkwardness clinging to a tower of swaying
cardboard. His being there made me do that stupid thing
with my hair. I regained composure. But over his hopeless
lolling tongue, he fell at my feet, awoke and then fainted;
coming round when I cleaned his face with a baby wipe.
Over the top of the boxes, under my chin, she gave me
a half smile, pushing her hair behind small delicate ears.
The curb caught my feet, the pavement my fall. I sucked
my cut lip, saw my thumb displaced off at a right-angle.
In soft focus, she leant over, mopping my bloodied head
with a scented cloth, before disappearing into the crowd.
My femme fatale and Florence Nightingale. So beautiful.
He was there again, maybe late, probably lying in wait.
Desperate awkwardness clinging to a tower of swaying
cardboard. His being there made me do that stupid thing
with my hair. I regained composure. But over his hopeless
lolling tongue, he fell at my feet, awoke and then fainted;
coming round when I cleaned his face with a baby wipe.
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